Does gratitude really make a difference?

Ever since Tom’s accident, I have been very uninspired to write.   For a reason that I can’t put my finger on, I am simply unmotivated.  This is just another part of the process of life, and it’s ok!

So today I am going to copy an interview that recently appeared on The Happiness Project.  I am an avid reader of the Happiness Project, and when Gretchen interviewed Penelope Trunk  , I took notice, because I am also a big fan of the Brazen Careerist.  When the two came together, I couldn’t resist posting about it!  Instead of linking to the interview, I’m just going to cut and paste it right here (hopefully Gretchen doesn’t mind!):

“Penelope Trunk is one of the most interesting and provocative writers about career happiness – and happiness in general. (I think it’s almost impossible to untangle these two issues, but Penelope might disagree with me on that.) She wrote a terrific book, Brazen Careerist; she writes a very popular blog also called Brazen Careerist; and she’s the CEO of BrazenCareerist.com, an online community and consulting firm.

The thing about Penelope is that, yes, she is BRAZEN. She's unusually honest about her experiences and her views (for example, she wrote a lot about her experiences with marriage counseling), and unlike many highly opinionated people, she packs her writing with solid information and backs up her perspective. I always get a lot out of reading her material – I don’t always agree, but I’m always fascinated.

Gretchen: What's a simple activity that consistently makes you happier?
Penelope: There is nothing simple that I can rely on to make me happier. Yoga always makes me happy, but getting myself to do it is difficult even though I'm always happy I did it. Kissing someone I have a crush on always makes me happy, but finding the crush and orchestrating the kiss is tricky.

I want to tell you that expressing gratitude always makes me happier. I know that research says this is true. But I think we could debate forever how much increase in happiness is so small it's not even worth talking about. I'm not sure. But a kiss with a crush is always worth talking about.

What's something you know now about happiness that you didn't know when you were 18 years old?
My happiness levels in life don't particularly change depending on where I am in life. I have sort of a setpoint. I veer from it in the same way I veer from my regular weight the day after Thanksgiving -- I always go back to that setpoint.

Is there anything you find yourself doing repeatedly that gets in the way of your happiness?
Eating bread is what I’m working on right now. I've been off gluten enough to know that it makes a difference in my anxiety levels. I am calmer with no gluten. But bread is so yummy, and also it's the food I turn to if I want to do emotional eating. Over the course of a day I am happier if I don't eat bread, but over the course of a minute -- when the bread is in front of me -- it's hard to make the right decisions.

Is there a happiness mantra or motto that you've find very helpful?
I tell myself that happiness is not about making good choices or having success, it's about being resilient when we mess up.

If you're feeling blue, how do you give yourself a happiness boost?
I eat bread. And then I have the problem above. If I am really unhappy I go to bed. Severe unhappiness generally goes away with time.

Is there anything that you see people around you doing or saying that adds a lot to their happiness, or detracts a lot from their happiness?
I see a lot of bullshit around me. So I am sort of cynical about the discussion of happiness. I am not sure that I think the discussion of "Am I happy?" is productive. I think life is extremely difficult, for everyone, and that in order to get through life we have tricks for ourselves to continue the journey and happiness is sort of a trick. I don't think there is a lot of happiness in life, there is a lot of hopefulness and interest in how things unfold, and there are spurts of happiness. Sometimes I think that happiness is maybe not the most important part of a well-lived life. But I'm not sure.

Have you always felt about the same level of happiness, or have you been through a period when you felt exceptionally happy or unhappy - if so, why?
Always the same. I have earned $300,000/year in NYC and I have earned $45,000 a year. And there was no change. I have been married and divorced, and there was no change. I have had lots of friends and very few friends, and no change. I am generally upbeat and optimistic, and I am an optimizer. And nearly of those things ever change.

Do you work on being happier? If so, how?
Yes. By reading the research and watching how it applies to my life. Right now I am consumed with the idea that one of the biggest impacts you can have on happiness levels is going from no sex to having regular sex with a regular partner. Working on that one. Forget daily gratitudes. Those don't impact happiness nearly as much.

Have you ever been surprised that something you expected would make you very happy, didn't - or vice versa?
I thought money would make me happy. It didn't. I still think money would make me happy. There is cognitive dissonance and I think it might be part of our DNA. Here's an irony: That in order to spend days implementing the happiness research, you'd do best to have someone else supporting you financially, so you can focus on happiness. I get stuck on thinking like this. I'm not sure how right it is, I just know that people -- most people -- are stuck on the money issue, even if they won't admit it.”

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Like Gretchen, I don’t always agree with Penelope, but she does make me think!  I am always fascinated by what she has to say!

I am particularly intrigued by Penelope’s thoughts on gratitude –does daily gratitude impact happiness much?  Is the impact too small to measure?  I hope the impact isn’t too small to measure, since I have dedicated this blog to gratitude!  But I have struggled with this issue myself, and sometimes I find myself fighting an uphill battle with gratitude, regardless of what the research says about gratitude making you a happier person.

Also, I find it thought-provoking that Penelope says that happiness is maybe not the most important part of a well-lived life.  Are we too focused on whether or not we are happy?  Is happiness a myth?  I feel as though my life has been fairly hard and not particularly happy, but I always thought of myself as being in the minority. Most of the people around me give the general appearance of being pretty happy, but maybe it’s just that, an appearance.   I have been fighting for a long time against my dad’s philosophy,  that life is 95% misery and 5% happiness (as he got older, the percentages changed to 98% misery and 2% happiness).  Maybe my dad had the right idea, and I need to lower my expectations for happiness?!

Don’t worry, I'm not depressed, and I’m not giving up on gratitude or happiness!  But I think it’s dangerous to blindly adhere to a point of view, so it doesn’t hurt to question yourself every now and then.  Penelope has given me some food for thought.  What do you think??

Comments

[Gretchen Rubin]

Dear Tricia-
I saw the nice mention of my blog, The Happiness Project, here. I so much appreciate those kind words and you shining a spotlight on my blog! Thanks and best wishes, Gretchen Rubin