Love Your Life!!!

Let’s start a new New Year’s tradition -- Appreciating Ourselves

 
Photo courtesy of Tom Schmucker/Swivel-Eye Photo

As the New Year quickly approaches, I have realized that I am pretty tired of the idea of making New Year’s resolutions.  Resolutions always focus on fixing the things that are wrong with you, and I think that this is the wrong approach.  I believe that true success in life, however you define that for yourself, will only come when you focus on your strengths and on what you can do with those assets.  It is easiest to do the things in life that come easy to you!  Success doesn’t come from trying to cure your weaknesses – it’s just a waste of time!!! (in my humble opinion, of course).

I LOVE the idea of paying attention to and feeding our strengths instead of our weaknesses.  The problem, though, with appreciating our strengths, is that we are basically taught NOT to do this.  We simply don’t go around talking about how wonderful we are on a regular basis.  It’s rude, selfish, arrogant, etc. , etc. 

I disagree with these characterizations.  There is a difference between selfishness and self-love.   I don’t think that we can be of any long-lasting help to our family, friends, the community, etc. , if we don’t love ourselves first.  It’s hard to love other people unconditionally if we can’t love and appreciate ourselves.  You can’t give away what you don’t have in you.

I want to start a new New Year’s tradition.  On this last day of the year, I am not going to make any resolutions to lose weight or clean my house more or anything like that.  Instead, I am going to appreciate my strengths.  I think that it does take a little bit of time to get used to this idea, but even if you are uncomfortable with it, maybe you can do it just for today.

To see how easy it can be to do this, here are some things that I love about myself:

I love to laugh, and I am a very silly person who loves to play :o)

I am a good organizer and planner

I have a great memory for details – I can remember people’s birthdays, anniversaries and other special dates without having to think about it

Similarly, I am a thoughtful person who sends cards and presents to those who are closest to me on their special occasions

I am a good listener

I love to dance!

I have pretty decent powers of perception and insight

I am a wonderful handwriting analyst!

I had the discipline to run my first marathon this year!!!

Please join me today and appreciate yourself for all of the wonderful things that you do and for all of the great qualities that you have.  And don’t leave me hanging here by myself – please share one thing that you love about you!!  And let’s think about what we might be able to do to develop our gifts even more in 2009!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!

Thought for the day

We have been experiencing some computer problems here at Love Your Life, which have kept me from posting for awhile.  I have been appreciating the time off ;o), but I am definitely looking forward to getting back to writing regular posts!!

I don't have much time to write right now, so I will just leave you with a brief thought for the day:

Each of us literally chooses,
by his way of attending to things,
what sort of universe
he shall appear to himself to inhabit.

-- William James

Thought for the day

My dear friends Matt and Mara dancing at their wedding, 2/22/08

"The trick is not how much pain you feel but how much joy you feel.  Any idiot can feel pain.  Life is full of excuses to feel pain, excuses not to live, excuses, excuses, excuses."

-- Erica Jong

Finding myself at home alone this morning, I decided to create some joy by turning on some music and dancing with wild abandon around my house for an entire hour! 

It felt so wonderful to M . . .O. . .V . . . E and I am feeling extremely peaceful and content now.

What can you do to bring some pure joy to your life this day???

A right way to tie your shoes? Or, keeping an open mind about the little things.

Photo courtesy of Tom Schmucker/Swivel-Eye Photo

As I have mentioned previously, I have been running over the past couple of years.  Very recently, I have also gotten into Runners World magazine.  We mysteriously received a free three-month subscription to it a few months back.  We’re not sure how this came to be, but I suspect that either Tom or I managed to get the subscription as part of a race sign-up process.  I like this magazine much more than I thought I ever would.  I devour it immediately when it comes in each month, and I have signed on for a longer subscription!

In the January edition, there is an article about tying your shoelaces.  The article tells the story of a man named Ian Fieggan, who has thought a lot about tying shoelaces, and even has a knot named after him.  Fieggan will tell you that many people are tying their shoelaces wrong, something that he would tell random people on the street.  Many of these people apparently did not take well to the message, and as the author of the article says, “a surprising number would actually seem wounded by the critique . . . .”

Even though I don’t agree with Fieggan’s choice of labeling people as being “wrong” if they tie their shoes in a certain way (I think that “inefficient” tying might have been a better description), I found this article to be fascinating because I think it illustrates how deeply people are invested in being right.  Most people really don’t want to hear that they are “wrong” about something, even if it is about something as seemingly trivial as shoe-tying.

This article opened my eyes to the fact that there are just SO many opportunities to learn in life, if you keep your eyes and your heart open.  And I will admit it – I was tying my shoes wrong!!!!

I have been tying my shoes differently in the past few days based on what I learned in the article, and my shoes haven’t come open once!

You can take a look at the shoe tying flow chart here, and the entire Runners World article here if you are interested.  I haven’t actually tried the Ian Knot yet though.  I couldn’t make heads or tails out of the pictorial description in the article, and I haven’t made the time to watch the video instruction yet.

Today, I am appreciating keeping an open mind about even the little things in life, and I am appreciating shoelaces that stay tied!!!

Eight gifts that don't cost a cent

Image courtesy of Tom Schmucker/Swivel-Eye Photo

Continuing with a similar theme to the previous post, this story of appreciation makes sense only if I tell you that I am an ordained minister, and that one of my part-time “jobs” (I don’t really like calling this one a job because I love it so much) is that I am lucky enough to perform various wedding ceremonies throughout the year. 

A few days ago, I received a Christmas postcard with a photo of a couple whose ceremony I performed way back in September, 2005.  They were pictured with their three children (they are a blended family) in front of the Golden Gate Bridge.  Among other things, the message said – “We have wonderful memories of our wedding ceremony and just wanted to share with you that our family is a happy one.  Thank you for helping us get started in such a beautiful way.” 

I have never received something like this before, and I was deeply touched by it.  I am still thinking about it several days later.  It will most likely be the nicest gift that I receive this holiday season.

That postcard reminded me that some of the nicest gifts are the ones that truly do not cost anything (ok, in some cases it might cost the price of a stamp!).  As coincidence would have it (or is it really just a coincidence), I received an email with this message that I thought was worth sharing:

"EIGHT GIFTS THAT DO NOT COST A CENT:

1. The Gift of Listening:

But you must really listen.
No interrupting, no daydreaming, no planning your response.
Just listening.

2. The Gift of Affection:

Be generous with appropriate hugs, kisses, pats on the back etc.
Let these small actions demonstrate the love you have for family and friends.
Remember that friendships are tied together by heart-strings -- not purse-strings.

3. The Gift of Laughter:

Clip cartoons and jokes; pass them on.
Share articles and funny stories.
Your gift will say, 'I love to laugh with you'.

4. The Gift of a Written Note:

It can be a simple 'thanks for your help', a card with your own message, a poem.
(In this electronic age, it can be done by E-mail)
It could be remembered for a lifetime -- even change a life.

5. The Gift of a True Compliment:

A simple and sincere 'You look great in red', 'You did a super job', or 'It was a wonderful meal' can make someone's day.

6. The Gift of a Favor:

Every day, go out of your way to do something kind.

Remember: '100 years from now it will not matter what kind of
car I drove, what kind of house I lived in, or how much money I had in the bank, nor what my clothes looked like.
But the world will be a little better because I was helpful in someone's life.

7. The Gift of Solitude:

There are times when we want nothing more than to be left alone . . .  quiet.
Be sensitive to those times in others.

8. The Gift of a Cheerful Disposition:

The easiest way to feel good is to extend a kind word to someone.
Really, it's not that hard to smile and say 'Hello' or 'Thank you'.
Attitudes are contagious -- is yours worth catching?

Friends are rare jewels in our life. They make us smile, hold us close, and encourage us
to succeed. They lend an ear and a word of praise, and always want to share their
hearts with us.. 'A friend is someone who reaches for your hand, and touches your heart.'"

- Source unknown

Today, I am appreciating The Gift of a Written Note and the joy that it has brought to my life.  What gift could you give to someone this holiday season that doesn’t cost anything???

Appreciating the holiday season

I have had a hard time dealing with the “holiday season” for many years now.  I won’t go into all of the reasons for it, except for the one that is the most relevant to this post.  One thing that I really don’t like about the “holidays” (i.e. Christmas) is the commercialism and consumerism that seems to be pervasive in U.S. Society.  I don’t buy presents for anyone but my niece (because I can’t get over the belief that kids should be spoiled at Christmas ;o) ), because I don’t want to contribute to my friends and family getting more and more “stuff.”  The story of a Wal-Mart employee getting trampled to death on Black Friday makes me frustrated and sad.

Because of my struggles with the holiday season, I tend to be at least mildly depressed at this time of the year.  And with Tom being my only “family” in the area, Christmas is often a lonely holiday.  I handle it better some years than others, and some years, I feel downright “bah-humbug-gy”!!!

This year, though, I decided to try to change my mindset.  I want to celebrate Christmas.  I want to experience a connection with the people that are closest to me.  And it was that thought, wanting to “experience a connection,” that got me thinking.  What if, instead of using my money to buy “things” for people, I put my money toward creating an “experience” instead?  An experience where friends could get together and laugh, tell stories, share their upcoming holiday plans, etc.???

It sounded like a great idea to me, one that I could definitely live with.  My first thought was to do an afternoon holiday “high tea” with a group of girlfriends.  The plan changed a little over time, but yesterday, I got together with a few of my friends for an enchanting afternoon at the very posh Umstead Hotel in Cary.  We got to taste some yummy yuletide beverages and some scrumptious desserts. 

 

 

I think that a great time was had by all!!!

My dear friends Kelly and Laura

Amy, me, and Gina enjoying the comfy accommodations

I am happy that this year I finally realized that I couldn’t expect a different result if I just kept acting the same way that I act every year.  So, today, I am appreciating my new-found appreciation for the holidays!!!  And I want to say a huge Thank You!!! to my friends who turned out for the afternoon, and I am looking forward to doing it again next year!!!!

Umm, peppermint!

This is a significant departure from the tone of the last post, but I am feeling the need for a little levity!

A few days ago, I was picking up a few items at the Fresh Market, and I discovered these "Limited Edition" Peppermint Bark Squares by Ghirardelli.  I couldn't resist trying them, and I am telling you -- if you like peppermint, you must go out and buy some before they disappear!!  The peppermint taste is robust without being overpowering, and there is some crunch to this candy, which I love!  The chocolate/peppermint ratio is fantastic, and, even with the crunch, the candy seems to melt in your mouth!!!

Maybe I sound a little too ecstatic about this candy, but that's what appreciation is all about!  I love taking the time to savor even the tiniest joys in life!!!  What little thing in your life can you give some appreciation to today??

Mom & Dad

The last picture I have of my parents together, June 2002, at my sister's wedding

Many things are difficult to write about, even on an appreciation blog!  I questioned why I am writing this particular post and whether I should write it at all.  In the end, I decided that there is not much point in having a blog if you can’t open yourself up to the world and be a little bit vulnerable every now and then.

Today, I sit squarely between the anniversaries of my parents’ deaths.  My mother died four years ago yesterday, and tomorrow will be the first anniversary of my father’s death.  Like many people, I did not have an “ideal” relationship with either of my parents.  My father also became increasingly difficult to deal with after my mother died.  It was so hard that I considered not speaking to my father anymore (I couldn’t follow through with it though).  When he died, I didn’t even tell most of my friends because I couldn’t handle the fact that my father and I did not have the relationship that I wanted to have, and I didn’t want to have to explain this to anyone.

It is interesting how your relationship with someone changes in death.  The relationship definitely does continue even after the person is gone.  I am not sure that I am supposed to admit this, but my relationship with my parents has improved immensely since they have died.  It is so much easier to see the good qualities that they had, and to downplay the negative ones.  I can see more clearly now that my parents did the best that they could with the circumstances that they found themselves in. 

Even with my father, I can see that he would have done things differently if he could have.  He had an extremely difficult life, and I know that he felt trapped by it.  He didn’t know how to change, and he couldn’t see a way out.  With his death, I can see that he didn’t purposely choose to be unhappy, which is an issue that I struggled with when he was alive.

I talk to my father now sometimes, more than I thought that I would.  I can say the things that I always wanted to say when he was alive.  It’s nice to be able to do that.  It’s NEVER too late to have a closer relationship with someone, even in death. 

So, today, I appreciate my parents for everything that they did for me.  I think that I turned out to be a pretty good person because of how they raised me.  I know that my parents loved me, and I will love them always.  They really were wonderful people.

Home Sweet Home

our living room

I have been feeling under the weather since my return from Amsterdam, which is the reason for the lack of original posts last week.  I absolutely love going on vacation, and I adored Amsterdam, but I have to admit that I also loved coming back home at the end.  I don’t think that there is a time that I appreciate my home more than when I come back from a trip!!

It feels SO good to step inside of your own home after being gone for awhile.  You know exactly where everything is.  You know how to easily control the room temperature and the temperature of the water.  Most likely, you won’t hear any unexpected noises in the night when you go to bed.  No door banging, no street noise, just peace and serenity (ok, so we have cat noises, but we expect that!!)  Right now, I am loving my own bed, my own couch, my own everything!!

So today, I appreciate my home and the ease that usually comes along with it!!

Make your heart smile :o)

I am a little late in the day with this, but I couldn't resist passing along this Debbie Ford email that I received today.  I am planning on making my heart smile for the rest of the day!!!

                                                      Make Your Heart Smile

"I woke up this morning thinking about how I was going to make today the best day of the year. Here it is -- Thursday December 4th. I have a full day of opportunities and possibilities. I get to talk to people I love. I get to share in intimate moments. I get to appreciate my family, my friends, my loved ones, my son, my staff, and all of you who I get to contribute to and be with on this journey.

I started thinking that if today were going to be the best day of my year, how would I have to feel? I would have to be completely grateful for everything as it is. I'd have to give up wanting anything to change about the past or the future. I'd have to give up any wants or needs that couldn't be satisfied today. I'd have to give up any hopes for anything to be different. I'd have to appreciate the toes on my feet that keep me upright, the parts of my body that are functioning perfectly, my ability to see, smell, and hear the voices of those I love. I'd have to have my heart wide open to the love that exists for everyone and everything. I'd have to have deep appreciation for the challenges I've endured, the limitations I've met, and the breakthroughs I've experienced. Most importantly, I'd have to remember that the best day of the year is made up not of one special event but of hundreds of special moments and I can choose each moment to have it be an incredible day.

So I ask you to join me today, December 4th, an ordinary day for most people. What would you have to do to find some love in your heart? Who could you think about that would bring a smile to your face? What memories could you bring into your awareness? What photos could you look at to remind you how good life can be? Who could you call to share love with? Who could you appreciate? What affirmation could you give yourself or pass on to another?

Just for the next 12 hours, make this a spectacular day by looking for what's right, what's working, what's magical, what's holy, and what's possible!"

With love and blessings,